When my dad passed away 6 years ago, Japan had just closed its borders. Nobody was permitted to enter the country due to 新型コロナウイルスのパンデミック (the COVID pandemic), not even its own citizens. Soon after, 隔離期間 (a quarantine period) was introduced, but only after I needed to go home.  I called the Japanese Consulate and pleaded with them to make an exception, but their answer was 冷たく無関心な (a cold and indifferent) “NO.”

Mom passed away 3 weeks ago.  I was able to purchase the last-minute airline tickets to Japan and join my sister and her family in 悼む (mourning).  I was almost expecting something else to go haywire, so I was very pleased when I reached my sister’s house without incident.

The very next day, I was at a mortuary to participate in the tradition of preparing the deceased for departure.  If you’ve seen a Japanese film “おくりびと (Departures),” you’ve seen how traditional Japanese 納棺師 (morticians) work, and the 美しさと尊厳 (beauty and dignity) of their rituals.  They treat the body with meticulous respect to help the spirit transition peacefully into the afterlife.  They do ceremonial washing, dressing, and applying of gentle makeup.  They massage the limbs to make them look relaxed.  I am 心から感謝の念を抱く (ever so grateful) to them.

The following day, we cremated Mom.  We filled her coffin with flowers and notes and artifacts she held close to her including my husband’s latest book, Original Love.  (He can now officially say that his book was burned.)  We picked up her bones and placed them in an urn.  一日中 (All day long), it was raining gently and we cried softly.

For the next two weeks, my sister and I devoted ourselves to taking care of 延々と続く事務手続き (what seems to be endless paperwork), clearing the house our mom lived in, talking with 市役所の担当者 (city officials), a 司法書士 (judicial scrivener), a 不動産業者 (real estate agent), etc., etc.  In between these tasks, we remembered things Mom said to us, things we did together, and things we will miss about her. We cried and laughed, sometimes at the same time.

My parents were the members of the Grave Free Promotion Society (GFPS), a Japanese NPO promoting 葬送のあり方を自由に選ぶという新しい考え方 (the new ideology of freedom to choose mortuary practices).  They wanted their ashes combined and scattered in the ocean after both of them crossed over and were cremated.  They also said no to traditional, huge, and expensive funerals.  Instead, we had private funerals for the immediate family members only.

GFPS is expected to announce their schedule soon for the next 海洋散骨 (burial at sea).  We will be on a chartered ship to scatter our parents’ ashes in the ocean together with other families who have recently lost their loved ones.  We are grateful to 両親の願いをかなえられる (be able to honor our parents’ wishes).  It will be a magnificent way to say good-bye to them.  And we will be saying hello to them every time we visit the ocean; whether it is the Pacific Ocean, the Sea of Japan, or any other waterway, since all bodies of water are connected.