Despite the fact that 通勤電車 (commuter trains) are often すし詰め (packed like sardines), we Japanese actually value greater 物理的な距離 (personal space between people) compared to many other cultures. As much as possible, we try to stand at arm’s length distance.

We generally don’t shake hands with each other – instead, we bow.  Hugs?  ご冗談でしょう (You must be kidding)!  But wait, I 訂正します (stand corrected). These days in Japan, parenting experts are actually recommending that parents give hugs to their kids. They are following research showing that when children are hugged, a chemical called oxytocin is 分泌され (released), deepening the bonds of affection between parents and children. 

That was obviously not known when I was growing up in Japan.  A hot 証拠 (clue) that this is something  new is that they use a カタカナ (transliterated) English word ハグ (hug) for “hug.”  Apparently, they also give each other high-fives these days – using a quasi-English word ハイタッチ (high-touch) for “high-five.”

However, these actions are mainly done by kids.  Adults still do not hug or shake hands.  It took me a while to get used to hugging after I moved to the US.  There always was a slight 滞り (delay) on my side when giving/receiving a hug.  But よく言うように (you know what they say): When in America, do as the Americans do.   

ぎこちなさ (Awkwardness) hits its peak when two Japanese people living in the US meet.  We don’t know if we should hug or not hug.  If we don’t hug after giving a hug to someone else who is not Japanese, it seems odd.  And if we do hug, we immediately regret our actions.  It’s a どちらにも損となる状況 (lose-lose situation).

What are we afraid of?  I believe it is not how we feel ourselves when we act in a certain manner, but how we are perceived by others.  人からどう思われるか (How others will think of you) is more important than your own feelings.  How boring, dull, and trite.  The only way out is to 心配せずに気楽に過ごす (abandon worrying too much and take it easy).  However, whether Japanese can do that or not is another story!